A Guide to Emotional Regulation
Regularly tending to one’s emotional world creates a beautiful inner trust and synergy that benefits all aspects of life. Self-regulation–tending to one’s emotions before expressing an unwanted reaction–is not only a constant inside job, but also crucial in navigating a variety of environments. The integral relationship of body and mind conveys how physiological regulation of the body goes hand in hand with neurological regulation of the mind and brain stem. In this blog post, I explore four conceptual steps as a practical self-guide to re-regulate intense emotions.
1. Mindful Awareness:
Begin to develop an inner dialogue on a foundation of self-acceptance; make note of any external situation and the emotional responses elicited (anger, rage, jealously, fear, shame, grief, guilt) with pure curiosity. This awareness provides information on the kinds of reactions you are working with.
2. Slowing down:
Keep your airplane on the ground. If you feel the need to urgently express something when you are activated, then that is a cue to take double time pausing and getting re-regulated. Urgently communicating when upset is an emergency response. Instead, you can politely excuse yourself or state you are going to take five minutes; this is extremely helpful for complex post traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD).
3. Come Back Regulated:
After ample time spent calming down, bring your conscious awareness into your body through tactile experiences (i.e focusing on physical sensation around you). This creates a safe space to process sensory inputs. Align your thinking with positive statements such as: “I am here and I am safe”, “I allow myself to feel this way”, “I love and respect myself”. Redirecting your thoughts to a clearer mental state reinforces the positive inner dialogue you are learning to develop.
4. Practice Self Compassion:
As you ascertain knowledge on your own internal processes, it is important to acknowledge your wins and bring self-acceptance into every aspect. It is okay to make mistakes; every opportunity for growth adds to a dynamic understanding of what it means to be human. The feelings of intense emotion will be there for you to unpack when you are calmer and in a safe space to do so. You can find time later to reflect in writing exactly how an interaction made you feel.
Life is easier when one can master emotional reactions and utilize those reactions as a roadmap to success. Just as the trauma you have faced is a direct guiding light to the wounds that are ready to be healed, resiliency highlights how adverse experiences can remind you of the innate strength within. Being in the driver’s seat means that you get to decide how to express yourself and embody self-mastery in any situation.
